Monday, May 21, 2012

THOUGHTS ON THE MYSTERY OF COACH GALVIN part 3: a running discourse by freshman Griffin Bohm

Freshman Griffin Bohm brings us the final chapter of his season-long pursuit towards uncovering Coach Galvin's true identity. Enjoy after the jump and once again beware of Griffin's lack of truth utilized on his pursuit of a bigger truth. 

Since we last spoke more has been discovered. Most notable is Coach Galvin's own admission that he currently resides in a hippie commune. Now it should be noted that there is a solid 50/50 chance that this is, in fact, Coach Galvin just messing with my head and telling me these things for humor. If that's the case then I say jokes on you coach, because now its on the Internet.

I also did some timeline work. When coach resigned from the Buffs a few years ago, within months Sadam Hussein was killed. Then Gaddhaffi was whacked. And finally, earlier this year, Osama was taken out. Then within months Coach G was reintroduced as the Buffs head honcho. Coincidence? Maybe. But there is no denying the suspicious timing in the matter.

Either way, the season is now over. It was a terrific experience, and although we felt it ended prematurely, this Buffs team has a lot to be proud of. Coach Galvin deserves, I think fairly, a lot of the credit. Yet still, our Coach remains as mysterious as ever.

However, on the drive home from our final game against Oregon, I played 20 questions with Coach. Doug and I sat down and essentially interviewed Coach in what turned out to be a surprisingly frank conversation. Although Doug wasted at least half of our questions with statements like “Really?” and “Could you repeat that?” there was still plenty learned. For instance, one of Doug’s few moments of reasonable intelligence was when he asked Coach if he had a history with the police. Coach was just a little too quick in answering “No”, to really be believable, although hard evidence is lacking.

But the most interesting thing Coach said that night was something he didn’t really even say. I asked Coach to tell me the story of his most fun/outrageous night of college was. “That one I’m saving for when you graduate,” was his only response. However, coach did tell me that his senior year his friends and him were medieval characters for Halloween. There was a king, prince, knight, and of course, a jester. Guess who was the jester. Yes, coach Galvin once dressed up as an ancient clown and fraternized his way around his college town, undoubtedly capturing the attention of a smattering of mediocre looking coeds, and perhaps, maybe even one or two decent looking ones. However, I was able to obtain a piece of gold. Attached is a picture of coach in the aforementioned jester outfit. Coach has no knowledge of this picture, and will be unaware of it’s existence, or my possession of it, until he reads this blog. (Disclaimer: This photo depicts truth only as it appears in my own imagination, and in no way depicts actual reality)

In any event, we appreciate everything Coach Galvin and the rest of our coaching staff did for us this season. I would like to take this time to thank our entire coaching staff for the great season.

Although the season has ended, the search for truth will not, and my updates will continue into next year and beyond.

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