Saturday, January 26, 2013

Our Favorite Player In College Football

As a fan of CU Athletics, the Buffs football season was pretty tough to be a part of. However, I did have the SEC to save me. My mom went to LSU, and I have always had strong connections to that part of the country. I am a huge LSU fan, and as such I hate Alabama. I hate almost everything about Alabama. Their fans are dumb, their college is worthless, and Nick Saban is a "nappy-headed-heaux" (that phrase is stolen directly from the Baton Rouge newspaper).

However, Alabama does have one redeeming quality. Chance Warmack plays on their line, and while I know almost nothing about him, I have seen him on TV many a time. Him and his glorious gut.

Warmack chooses not to cover his unsightly belly when he plays, and that is freaking awesome. I have included a number of pictures here of Warmack and his stomach. As you can see, he unabashedly lets his gut hang down over his belt. It's almost as if he is willing the defenders to slap his gut, "Just give it a little jiggle, see what happens."I think it would be so funny to line up opposite from that giant Jell-O bowl.

About midway through the football season, I started trying to figure out how I can get my own gut to flaunt. What with lacrosse, and my general physical frame, I cannot support such a belly. But, I devised a plan. In the coming weeks I will duct tape a 5L bag of Franzia to my stomach, cut the bottom half off of a t-shirt, and go to class. Just to see what happens. If any of you have any thoughts on how else I can improve my lack of a gut, I'm all ears.

With Arms Wide Open,